Green

I'm just out of an evening bath with flower-smelling hair and pajamas to make all feel in its place. Travis is working but has the next three days off. Gavin and Jessie are watching "The Gummie Bears" before heading to bed.

It rained today. The kids, and I, walked to the park and were enjoying swinging and sliding when sprinkles started to fall. Gavin told me to put my camera away so it wouldn't be ruined in the rain. Funny the things he observes at such an age (4!) Travis drove up to give us a ride home and we ended up going grocery shopping together. Well, it turns out that "3 Bears" grocery store now has a large sporting goods section! I did the grocery shopping while Travis picked out lures!

I've been finishing paintings for the May 6th artwalk in uptown Butte. I added hanging wire to all of the completed work and stacked them together against a wall. I hadn't noticed that green is the dominate color lately! It is what's on my mind however: green grass, trees, spring growth!! My abstract self-portrait is done now! I open my eyes to it every morning and it makes me smile (not much green in it!) I love that I have painting, photography and writing to express myself. I'm a bit obsessive with the photography but the painting brings a nice balance to my life. I dab color, when I take a moment, and soon ...there is a canvas filled with something of my life.

Have I mentioned that I'm in love with this life? I'm thankful every moment for this connection to such a time, such a place ...such people and so many more to know. I feel, sometimes, like I'm glowing inside ...with incredible love. Travis has been teasing me because I've mentioned how it feels like we're (kids and I) always on vacation!! We've struck this rhythm together where each of us does our thing but we have lots of fun time as a family as well. Travis has to work crazy hours but in-between, we have a lot of fun!

Last week felt like the kick-off to summer. Jessie G and I went to a branding at the Patrick Ranch on Saturday. Sunday, a bunch of us drove to the Ringing Rocks and climbed around and then had a bonfire at golden hour (I overdid the photo taking a bit ...felt like I missed being PRESENT for a good part of that gathering because I was snapping photos.) It was like a big prayer being up on the mountain at sunset. Monday, the four of us floated down the Madison River ...catching no fish but enjoying water, wildlife and "family time." Every time one of the kids (or me!) would tangle our fishing line, loose a lure, have paddle to the riverbank for a pee break, we would say, "Family Time!!" reminding ourselves that the main objective wasn't the fish!

Green ...back in the swing of frequent outdoor life.

Brand New

I'm signed-up for the May and July Art Walks in Butte. The Artwalk gets me to complete work: paint edges, hang wires and finish final details that I otherwise wouldn't rush to get done. I'm working on a 22 x 28" rose oil for my cousin's wedding in June. It's flowing nicely now ...feeling good.

Gavin and Jessie spent the night with their grandparents last night. Jessie came home with her hair trimmed (Grandma is multi-talented!) and both kids were in fresh clothes. My sister says she can tell when the kids have been in Pipestone because I talk about them like they're brand new to me! It is so nice to recharge and miss them at the same time. Especially with hair cuts = I get to see them in new light.

Gavin got new Spiderman pajamas from my parents. They are for summer so the top is sleeveless and the bottoms are shorts. He put the set on and started running around like a boxer/martial arts combo. I'd mentioned that the shirt showed off his big muscles and he was way into that!! I think he needs an organized sport soon!!

Jessie is becoming more stubborn and beautiful. I don't think that's a common pair but it's interesting! She's more work but she's also like a beautiful flower that I just want to take in. She loves being outside, taking her shoes off and admiring the birds! She's independent but she also loves to share. Gavin has such a different personality, from mine, that I watch him to learn. He welcomes people naturally. I watch Jessie thinking I must have been a lot like her as a girl. She likes her independence but also wants to share everything that brightens her day.

Trolling

Maybe we overdid the fun yesterday. Jessie G's flu returned as we returned home from fishing in Helena. She is a sad little thing with pale skin and bright red lips ...no energy today. She's sleeping now ...that should help.

I'm finally getting around to enjoying my coffee at noon. It's stormy looking outside and I love it!! Coffee and a lingering storm, sleeping child and a house to clean!! My parents are arriving, in Butte, tomorrow!! They're getting a hotel so the kids can swim. If the weather is good, Dad is going to help me build a big sandbox for Gavin and Jess (and neighbors!) I remember living in our sandbox! If Gavin and Jessie like the sandbox as much as I did, I should have numerous hours painting on the porch logged-in by summer's end. (Painting on the porch is like living in a dorm room ...with the door open! All of the neighbors stop by and chat.) The sandbox is going to be big enough for me to join in the digging to China adventures!

Travis LOVES to fish. I've mentioned this. Our boat is not very trustworthy. Well, the boat is, the engine isn't. Trav has spent hours, days, weeks working on the motor to get it to a reliable state. Yesterday, he wanted to drive to Helena and test out a second motor ...trolling motor and spare in-case of emergency (which is likely!!) He lit all up when I mentioned wanting to come along. He really lit-up when I bought my 2010 fishing license!!

Travis built a bracket for the trolling motor to sit in. He didn't spend much time on it because his work schedule has been full and he was eager to get in the water. But, he had confidence in the sturdy materials he'd used. Yes, I'm foreshawdowing!! The main motor didn't start but our objective was to test out the trolling motor. So, we left the safety of the dock and headed into Holter Lake and the Gates of the Mountains.

The smile was contagious! Travis was so happy with the trolling motor (that his cousin wants to sell to him.) He decided to speed things up and the engine dropped off the sturdy bracket!! Not all the way off but enough that Travis had to leap to get a grasp of it. It's terrible, but that was what I was expecting! I wasn't surprised in any way. Travis was! With a little team work, we moved the motor next to the non-running main motor and slowly made our way back to the dock.

When the timing seemed right, I said, "Didn't you think that was a possibility?"

"What? The bracket giving way? NO! Did you?"

"Maybe it's a mother-thing but I had pictured it!"

"You! You used the 'Secret' on us!"

I was thinking, If I had that kind of control over willing things/situations into our lives, we'd be in a new inboard ski boat with no gas exhaust to distract from the peaceful setting!! A great stereo system would only help to lure fish of good taste!! Add that to the list!
"I did not (use the Secret!) I just have to consider the worst case scenario so I know how to prepare!"

I had been thinking about where the cell phone was, the paddles, how hard it would be to hike up the mountainside and get to the truck, etc!! I'm not a pessimist but, we have had some adventures in that boat!!

We got back to the dock and the fly fishermen there were catching trout after trout! They were good sized too! Each one was catch and release and I could just see Travis thinking how delicious they would be smoked or grilled!! He worked and worked on the main engine, nothing. After about an hour he asked, "Can we just go out and troll around for a little while?"

We did and the kids loved it. Travis went into his element-state-of-being ...quiet and thoughtful ...taking it all in. I teased that most men have their "cave" setting in their homes. They have their rec room, sports center, garage, etc. but Travis' cave is his boat!! (It's nice that he welcomes the entire family so enthusiastically into his "cave!") It's good he has it ...I'm just looking forward to the day when it's not such an expected "adventure!"

Silence, White, Character

I'm painting on a smooth 22 x 28 birch board and I Love the way the oils glide over the surface. It's my structure of choice but I usually go with canvas simply because it can hang without a frame. I painted this board in 2005 ...I can tell it's an older piece because there is no texture to it. Speaking of texture, my palette knife is missing!!

Travis usually tries to stop me when I start painting over an older piece. He looked at this one and said, "Now there's a painting you can go over!" It's so nice to see progress in my work. It's also a little unnerving to think I'm constantly going to want paintings back to rework!!

I've switched to classical music listening because my other choices were beginning to sound like noise. I need the enunciation of the classical variety to aid in clarity as I add layers. This painting is much like the piano music that's playing. I keep adding strokes of paint: ochre, umber, cerulean and sienna but it's the white that needs to remain crisp. The other colors mix and create harmonies but the white creates the overall affect ...just as silence creates structure in music.

White, silence ...much like character. No matter how much noise, how many times life strokes us with details (bills, conflicts, errands, responsibilities, blessings, relationships, etc) --if you know your character and what you're capable of ...if you keep that pure and true, the overall picture has structure and beauty.

Comforting to know that my style is continuing to develop and I can rework past pieces to give them more texture and stronger character!! Some former pieces remain the same and I'm happy with them, some will be tossed or reworked but all of them have their purpose. My whites may not always have been so crisp but I'm getting a better grasp of it's purpose!

Self Portrait

Evening and the Chili Peppers are playing, "I could have lied." I LOVE Anthony Kiedis' voice! I think he's the only celebrity I have ever been infatuated with!

It's dusk and the streets are wet. The mountains are hidden by the fog. Every time I look out the window I just want to continue staring at what isn't there. It's peaceful. I want the houses to scoot out of the way! Just an open landscape and room for my eyes to travel without bouncing off cars, stop signs, siding, telephone poles, etc. I love the rain. I'm working on giving my abstract self-portrait a make-over and I'd better find a way to give rain a presence because it is very much part of my portrait. I wonder how I can represent Kiedis' voice?!!

It's a bit odd but my portrait is based on a figure sleeping. I painted the original form almost two years ago. Jessie was a baby and Gavin was two so sleep was on my mind often! The only image that I felt really represented me was a peaceful sleeping figure! I know that just before going to sleep, I check-in, take inventory of the day, I think of the day ahead and I FEEL the most honest. Sleep is such a beautiful thing ...such a treat to restore, let go and communicate. This painting is often the first thing I see in the morning and I know this update will greet me well!! I wonder if it'll be a lifetime work in progress?!

Travis is working again ...but he'll have the next three days off! Jessie fell asleep early and Gavin is in Pipestone with his grandparents. I mentioned that his hair was getting long and he said, "I better call Grandma and see if she can cut it. Maybe I should stay in Pipestone tonight?!!" He called and he went! He even got to work with "Papa" (that's his grandpa) installing a window before heading over the hill. I know these "errands" are what allowed Travis to get an early grasp on how things work!!

Now the street lights are on and the music is off. The flame on my candle is so low, it's blue. Hmmm, it heard me writing about it ...now it's flickering and back to white and ochre. Chin-up little flame, you're doing great work!!

Tomorrow

10pm Gavin and Jessie are asleep. Travis is working until 5am. I've got the fireplace burning, humidifier running and laundry running. Tomorrow, Jessie is going to wake me saying she wants juice and Barney. I'll give Gavin an extra 20 minutes to sleep and then we'll rush to his preschool. I know the scene. I know I'll enjoy every sip of my first cup of coffee and then I'll have another just to hang onto that feeling. The second cup usually gets left unfinished somewhere between the office and the kitchen.

I'll feel the potential of the day as I walk the hallway from our bedroom into the kitchen. Something about hallways and stairs ...they make me see where I'm at from an outside perspective. Especially when I'm coming home, walking up the stairs to the front door --that's where I see me as the character someone is reading or viewing.

It's a beautiful life and I'm happy with our pace. Yesterday, Gavin walked into the kitchen with pink bunny ears on his head and two guns braced on his chest, aimed forward saying, "Mom, have you seen any suspicious characters around here?!!" We both laughed at the same time and I said he was the only suspicious one I'd noticed!! So much color in this life!!

Travis' carpool buddies stopped in-front of the house the other day. Jessie opened the door for her daddy, received her usual hug and kiss and then called to him, very clearly, "Bye Bye Sweetie!!" Travis replied with an amused laugh, "Bye sweetie!" Jessie looked pleased by the exchange!

Beautiful life, I just get this sense that I need to wake up to something else. I appreciate and cherish every moment but I'm missing something. I want to teach like Allie Vogt did at North Idaho College. I want to inspire and help to establish a healthy artistic community. I want to add something to people's lives. Routine ends up wrapping up my days because I have to step outside my comfort zone to reach others. But, I'm taking aim and that's the first step: the vision.

W A T E R

Water ...ahhh, such healing qualities. I overdid the sugar today and was ready to climb into bed and be done with the day. Instead, I filled a glass of beautiful clear, cold water and gulped. AHHHhh, dilution of the sugar and energy emerged!! I'm having another glass to fully awaken.

Music ...ahhh, such healing qualities! I know I feel best when I give without any expectations but today I became overwhelmed when extra efforts were ignored. I tried to snap out of disappoint and mental noise and nothing was working. I opened-up my itunes and hit the shuffle setting and boom dilution of the disappointment ...energy emerged!!

Bare feet ...ahhh, such simplicity can bring me such peace!