It's been months since I wrote that the "refresh button," on my computer, is taking energy that could be filling canvases. I guess the message didn't fully get through because it is a big habit (dare I say addiction) now.
I was snowboarding with Travis (my husband) and his brothers a month ago. We were on the chairlift at Big Sky and Josh and Joe were talking about their new phones and all the gadgets they were equipped with. I heard internet and thought, "I could check my email!!" I resisted actually asking for a phone but I did admit the itch was there to CONNECT!
My April 2010 "O Magazine" arrived last week. It has an article about kicking food addictions. I was thinking I needed to read it seeing as I have a couple of pounds I'd like to shed. Turns out, I didn't need (well, I needed some of it!) the advise towards my eating habits or view of my body. I don't beat myself up over my weight ...I don't (typically) snack to fill a void. I want to tone my body so that I have more confidence in more of a variety of clothes but I do love my body and all that it allows me to do. I love the strength these broad shoulders give me. My legs never seem to want to give out and my coordination is that of a Libra (balance!)
Here I had started reading the article about food addiction and I was directed to another addiction. The author, Geneen Roth (Women, Food and God,) lists other addictions besides food (for numbing): alcohol, work, sex, cocaine, surfing the net, talking on the phone. *Surfing the net, hmmmm ... pause to refresh my email!
I avoid silence by filling my days with online words and images. I try to get a sense of being connected, with a bigger picture (purpose,) by refreshing. When I paint, I stream in Netflix movies which prevent me from fully experiencing the painting. I just experience the action of putting paint on the canvas. I know silence has wisdom for me ...and I love to go there! Still, I've learned to just visit and not live in harmony. I need to fill-up with busyness and the results are paintings with random moments of beauty and moments of just plain filled space. Filled space, not emotion, because what I invest is what will manifest.
Therefore, this (writing) is where I'm aiming to have an outlet for these feelings ...a place to connect and replace a habit of numbing in-order to really connect. I think it is going to take quite a bit of writing to redirect my busy mind and find peace more often.
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